As I mentioned in the last post, a lot happened yesterday. I have been preparing for the mediation appointment I had with my ex for weeks.
Our last mediation was one of the worst experiences of my life. I was terrified that the mediator wouldn’t see that my ex is a narcissist, and that she would buy into his I’m-a-victim act. The anxiety leading up to the appointment was almost as bad as the experience itself; but not quite. During the meeting, I was horrified by the things he said. Not only because he was spewing lies, but because it was clear that he didn’t give a shit about our daughter. He came in asking for 50/50, said a bunch of awful things that got me really worked up, and had me in near-hysterical tears by the end.
As it turned out, though, the meditator last August did see through his bullshit, and the report she wrote was so damning of him that we came to an agreement outside the courtroom the day of court. At this point, he was on his second lawyer, who was a very reasonable woman. She told him that he couldn’t ask for more visitation time when I didn’t take the visits he already had.
He informed me last week that he has a new lawyer. This is #3. Said new lawyer hadn’t informed my lawyer of her existence, though…which is odd. I assumed he didn’t actually have a new lawyer yet and was hoping to save money on a retainer in case we came to an agreement in mediation.
I was shocked as hell, but in mediation, we actually did come to an agreement. We had a different mediator this time, but she was just as reasonable as the last one—perhaps even more so. She called Ex out on a lot of his bullshit, and insisted that he take a mid-week visit instead of asking for an overnight visit. I was very thankful for that, because Bebe would not cope well with an overnight visit at this point.
He asked for some very odd visit time…an overnight that extended into work/school the next day. The majority of the time would not even be spent together—she’d either be sleeping or at school. I realized after the fact that he pushed for this kind of time so that he could have a larger percentage custody, thus less child support. What an ass.
Anyway, we came to an agreement, but he wasn’t happy about it. By the end of the meeting, he was in tears because he was so frustrated that no one was letting him get away with his poor-me-I-have-no-money-and-my-job-is-so-hard-and-I-can’t-take-any-of-these-visits-because-I’d-have-to-drive act. I was incredibly proud of myself. I didn’t let him get away with anything, and I remained calm the entire time. I pointed out that he didn’t take the time he had, even when we lived five minutes away from him (thus negating his I-can’t-drive claim), said his job must have become infinitely harder the day I left, because it certainly wasn’t that demanding when we were married, and made sure he looked like a jackass for claiming he was responsible for Bebe’s progress in social situations, rather than her therapy.
The mediator was 100% on board with Bebe’s therapy, too. She said that Bebe is being treated by the most highly respected psychologists in our area, and admonished him for not being involved. He said that he doesn’t think she needs therapy, doesn’t think there’s any reason she can’t have an overnight with him, and doesn’t think she has any problems. He looked awful. Because he is awful.
Fast-forward to this afternoon, when I ask him to sign the agreement my lawyer drafted for us. He refused to sign it, saying that he wanted to choose which day his mid-week visit fell on each week. This was not what we agreed to in mediation, and I told him as much. I spent a lot of time on the phone with my lawyer, costing me god-knows-what, trying to figure out how to get the agreement signed so that we don’t have to go to court next week.
And then.
Then my lawyer calls me and says, “we have an ENORMOUS issue. I just got off the phone with opposing council. Your Ex has filed a 70 page motion, and I have yet to receive it. I have no idea what it’s about, and it didn’t come in today’s mail.” A bunch of emails went back and forth between the lawyers, and eventually we get the motion.
The motion asks for joint physical custody because I moved 20 miles away from Ex. He claimed that he didn’t know I moved until I refused to let him see Bebe because it was an inconvenience to me. He asked to have her every weekend, Friday-Sunday, and that we move back to Oakland. He wants me to reveal my home address, which is private because he threatened to have me killed (thus prompting me to divorce him). Every single thing he said was a lie. And the best part? I have email evidence that proves he lied on every single count.
The motion is turning out to be a bunch of bullshit, but it is costing me thousands of dollars to fight it. My lawyer called his and told her that she violated procedure by not declaring herself as his lawyer and by not filing this motion in a timely manner (court is on Monday), and that the motion itself is full of lies. She also told his lawyer that we came to an agreement yesterday in mediation, which was news to her.
So, once again, Ex is an asshole. A horrible, terrible asshole who doesn’t care about Bebe at all.
The only bright side to this hideous motion/situation is that he’s put things with New Guy in perspective. I have bigger fish to fry than New Guy.
